7 Habits of Highly Ineffective, Unhappy People

01.14.10 · View Comments

in Daily,Insecurities,Life,Stupid Lists

1. Live in the past. Feel, down to each cell, every slight, every wrong, every moment of pain. Defy mathematics by adding yourself up by subtracting yourself – you are the sum of your past experiences, therefore you are Zero. Null. *ERROR* PC Load Letter. The big blue screen of death. Multiply your pain and each insecurity by powers of 10, and then divide it all up to last through your entire life, leaving no moment unscratched.

2. Judge people early and often. Choose books by their covers, wine by their labels and people by superficial means. A clean cut, well dressed man who attends church can never be a rapist, an animal abuser, a wife beater. A scruffy, rumpled, hunched over man is beyond contempt and should be ignored at all costs. Misinterpret the old saw, “You are a reflection of those with whom you spend your time” to mean, “You are a better person if you spend your time with only those who make a good impression.”

3. Only believe in the familiar, in what you already know. Do not listen to other viewpoints with a so-called “open mind” or “open heart,” and do not attempt to think of reasons why others believe in what they do. They are wrong and that is the only “reason” behind anything they do or think. Disparage them. Cut them off, make general statements to belittle. They do not deserve happiness or equality. They should change. If they insist on being different, they should do so out of sight. Let yourself burn with rage and disgust for their differences, for you know that history has shown itself completely accurate and justified in the oppression of groups of people. Furrow your brows and retch with revulsion at the idea that difference and uniqueness is beautiful and good. Everyone should look the same, act the same, love the same.

4. Collect people and material objects without abandon and never forget that owning more means being more, being better, being happier. Your car and your wardrobe, your electronics and the size of your ego are a sign of inner peace and comfort; always want more.

5. Focus not on what is in front of you, but everything else. Live your life inside a photographic negative – the transparent light in the negative should be seen literally as light, not the absence of it. Not dark and shadows. Collect whitespace in the form of things that don’t really matter. Do it not only for yourself, but for what you think will make you look better to others. Spend your time looking around for something better, and understand that what is in front of you is only a distraction for the acquisition of more.

6. Ignore the lives of the less fortunate or those who are different yet still perceived unequal or less than. Denounce them loudly for “choosing” their paths, for being where they are because clearly they want to be there, otherwise they wouldn’t be. Deny them their rights for happiness, for equality, for peace. Ignore your own good fortune for not having to experience their problems and pain. You are who you are because you built yourself every step of the way – we’re all from equal means at contraception, so it follows that we begin our lives with the same opportunities. Do not let yourself be convinced that others have a lifetime of hurdles to even get to the point you were at birth. Do not let yourself be convinced that, if you were in their position, you wouldn’t be able to overcome. Decry outreach programs, art, humanities, education. And in your next breath, express your outrage at crime levels, ignorance and poverty.

7. Underestimate yourself. Do not hope for that which is presently out of reach or that which you feel is unattainable. Hold yourself responsible for everything you cannot control; past performance in school can only be because you are unintelligent, not because the methods by which you learned weren’t right for the way your brain worked at the time. Understand that past mistakes dictate the future, that there is no way to recover from a bad situation. You must have deserved it, therefore, you are still undeserving. That is your lot. Compare yourself to others, let others make you feel small. You are. You are not good enough or else you would have everything you want the moment you want it. Don’t try to extricate yourself from a bad situation or one in which you are not happy. It’s too late. You need to just learn to live with it. It’s too hard. You’re not smart enough for change, for goals, to do things you think are impossible. You might as well not even try. Placate yourself by saying things like, “If it were meant to be…” or “I guess that’s just not in the cards for me.” You chose wrong, ergo, you are a loser and deserve to be punished. You’re not capable of identifying something that could make you happy and then going for it, bit by bit, until you are within your grasp and can ride the high to achievement and fulfillment. You don’t have time. It’s too late. You’re just not good enough and you never will be. You will fail. You are a failure. You might as well just spare yourself the heartache and not even try. Be certain of your failure, your lot, your status, yourself. Never try to be better; it’s just a waste of time.

  • http://www.sizzlesays.com sizzle

    Did you just describe my ex? (Multiple exes actually.)
    sizzle´s last blog ..I Swear I’m Only Like This For a Few Days*

    And several of mine. ;)

  • http://www.magnani.com Justin Daab

    Well said. Any further comment from me would cheapen it.

    Thank you so much, Justin. I’m glad you commented. :)

  • http://www.ruggerjay.typepad.com/pet_cobra/ Jason

    I just blame it all on that pact I made with the Devil.

    FUCK. I always forget that I sold my soul along time ago, drunk and near blackout. Thank you for reminding me. It all falls into place. ;)

  • http://www.hannahmiet.blogspot.com Hannah Miet

    I love the idea for this post. As well as this post. True words.
    Hannah Miet´s last blog ..Visitors

    Thank you! I needed a talking to in my own head. (*cough#7cough*)

  • http://www.pacingthepanicroom.com ryan

    Happy to have started reading your blog. Quickly becoming a favorite
    ryan´s last blog ..Generations

    Ryan, that’s very kind of you to say and it gives me warm and fuzzies. I’m glad you’re here and thank you for commenting!

  • http://mightyhunterin21stcentury.blogspot.com/ Mighty Hunter


    Yeah, that.
    Mighty Hunter´s last blog ..Plus, Job Interviews Are A Lot Like First Dates. I Need Practice With Both.

    And what you said, too.

  • http://titaniumpersonaltraining.blogspot.com Titanium

    What… YOU said.

    Wow. Nothing further to add, Your Honor. I rest my case.
    Titanium´s last blog ..Thoughtful Thursday

    Holy fuck. That was the most pleasant legal experience I’ve ever dealt with, and I do this for my miserable so-called career. Thank you for the pleasant rogering!

  • http://etceterablah.com You can call me, ‘Sir’

    You’re hitting a little close to home with #1 and #7. And by ‘hitting’ I mean ‘kneeing’, and by ‘home’ I mean ‘my junk’.

    I know. It’s like an ass-kicking to myself, only by “ass” I mean “vagina” and “face” along with “ass.” Currently working on #1 and #7. #7 is actually why I wrote the GD post – school starts Tuesday and I’m predictably freaking the fuck out. 4 years of undergrad and more years than I care to admit “aftergrad” and I’m still freaking out? Jesus. Please to gouge my eyes out with a flaming, rusty spork.

  • http://titaniumpersonaltraining.blogspot.com Titanium

    I can’t stop re-reading this post.
    Titanium´s last blog ..Wake-up Call

    Thank you, Ti. You’re too sweet to me today!

  • http://www.leigh1.typepad.com/detour/ Leigh


    But, yeah, numbers 1 and 7 felt a little too familiar.
    Leigh´s last blog ..the ground beneath her feet

    On one hand, I’m glad I’m not the only one. On the other, I’m sad that this is familiar to people.

  • http://www.citizenofthemonth.com Neil

    I’m not even going to say how many I can relate to.

    Me either.

  • http://furiousball.com/inmydiatribe/index.php furiousball

    *sniff sniff* smells like republican
    furiousball´s last blog ..Oh, not that kind of boning…

  • http://www.dreamandseek.com Josh Opinion

    4.)”4. Collect people and material objects without abandon and never forget that owning more means being more, being better, being happier. Your car and your wardrobe, your electronics and the size of your ego are a sign of inner peace and comfort; always want more.”

    The memories of yourself, your legacy, what you did for others, who you touched- that is the stuff people take to heart for ever, that is what will endure when you pass on… the material “stuff” you acquire is a facade and has no value.

    6.)”Do not let yourself be convinced that others have a lifetime of hurdles to even get to the point you were at birth.”

    So true, we walk around blinded with this unaware sense of entitlement where we can not take time to appreciate and show gratitude of how lucky we all are to be in the place we are. We freak out when something doesn’t go our way, when you have a third world country like Haiti who literally will die to come to the US and now just faced a massive earthquake that will set the country back.

  • http://carrieszenspot.blogspot.com Carrie

    This is brilliant. And just the kick in the arse I needed to get me out of my “But what if I fail?” mood.

  • http://thosecorwins.com Steph

    This was wow awesome. Like wow. Love it. It’s 100% right on.
    Steph´s last blog ..Happy New Year from Those Old Boring Corwins

  • http://alaskandavedownunder.blogspot.com/ Alaskan Dave Down Under

    Spot on! Nothing to add from down unda cept to say, “Good on ya, mate!”

    And that I’m so glad I don’t do any of those items.
    Alaskan Dave Down Under´s last blog ..Prelude To An Alien Abduction! *UPDATED*

  • http://sarcasmically.com bri

    i will be reading this many times throughout the year to remind myself to not be like this, and to not maintain relationships of any kind with people who follow these 7 habits. truly a great post. is it OK if i print it out to hang in my office???? :-D

  • http://www.jennui.com jenB

    I am unsure I can make a decent to comment since I myself have been feeling so morose, not posting, not making such a well written list :-). I understand, I empathize, and I am pretty much living this list way too much.

  • http://www.schmutzie.com schmutzie

    This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2010/01/five-star-fridays-edition-88.html
    schmutzie´s last blog ..Five Star Friday’s Edition #88

  • http://urbanowl.wordpress.com Kate

    I hope things are looking up over there. Been thinking about you since reading your tweets.
    Kate´s last blog ..Scuba TV

  • http://urbanowl.wordpress.com Kate

    Also, I have no idea what that link is after my comment or how it got there. Scuba TV?!

  • http://redstapler23.blogspot.com Suebob

    Suebob´s last blog ..Please stand by

  • http://byflutter.com flutter

    I love your brain

  • http://mochamomma.com Mocha

    Ouch. Yo. You are stepping on my toes.
    Mocha´s last blog ..Die Hard Movie Critics

  • http://www.purplelara.com Lara

    My computer was broken for a bit there, so I’m late to the party but like someone said above, I can’t stop reading this, I love it so.

  • Johnanthon


  • meggie

    7 is pretty much me. -sigh-

  • http://pattiken-pattiken.blogspot.com/ Patti

    At the risk of sounding like an echo, wow! I am in awe.
    Patti´s last blog ..Are you feeling ok???

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